Relationships
How to keep a man happy in 5 steps
Five habits with real relationship research behind them. They work on women too.
Forget the old magazine advice. Relationship researchers have spent decades filming couples, following them for years and seeing who stays together. Here are five habits that hold up. They come from studies of couples, not just men, so they work just as well the other way round.
1. Answer his small bids for attention
A "bid" is any small attempt to connect: a comment about the news, a joke, "look at this." Psychologist John Gottman followed newlyweds for six years. Couples who stayed married had turned towards each other's bids 86% of the time. Couples who divorced had done it 33% of the time. Looking up from your phone counts.
2. Keep five good moments for every bad one
Gottman's research also found that stable, happy couples have about five positive interactions for every negative one during an argument. Teasing, agreeing, a touch on the arm or a laugh all count. Fights are normal. Fights with nothing warm in them are the warning sign.
3. Say thank you, specifically
In a 2012 study, people who felt appreciated by their partners became more appreciative themselves, more responsive and more committed. Couples who kept appreciating each other were less likely to break up over the following nine months. "Thanks for sorting the car" beats a general "you're great."
4. Do something new together
In experiments published in 2000, couples who spent about seven minutes on a new, slightly challenging task together rated their relationship higher afterwards than couples given a boring one. Novelty beats another night on the couch with the same show.
5. Have sex about once a week
A study of more than 30,000 Americans over four decades found that couples' satisfaction rose with sex up to about once a week, with no extra gain beyond that. The researchers couldn't say whether sex makes couples happier or happy couples have more sex. Either way, once a week is a healthy benchmark, not a quota.
And if you haven't found him yet, start with the meter.
These are averages from published research, not rules. Every relationship is different, and none of this replaces respect, honesty, or professional help when you need it.
Run your own list on the meter
Estimates come from the same model as the meter: official population, census, health-survey and tax data for each country, combined age by age. Filters are treated as independent within each age, so treat the results as estimates, not a head count. The full method and sources are under "How it's calculated" on the meter.