Dating

Why don't men approach anymore?

There are still millions of single men. Much of the approaching moved to apps, and almost half of young men say fear of seeming creepy holds them back.

Updated 8 October 2026 · Find My Man data

Ask around and you'll hear the same thing: men don't come up to women in bars, cafés or gyms the way they used to. The data backs up part of that. It doesn't mean the men have disappeared.

The men are still here

These are the numbers of single or divorced straight men aged 30 to 40 in each country.

Younger men are even more often single. In a 2022 survey, Pew Research Center found that 63% of American men under 30 were single, compared with 34% of women the same age. A lot of men simply aren't dating at all.

Reason 1: the approach moved to apps

In a nationally representative 2017 survey, about 39% of heterosexual couples said they had met online, up from 22% in 2009. Meeting online overtook meeting through friends around 2013. Many men who once would have walked across a room now swipe instead, where rejection is private and quick.

Reason 2: fear of seeming creepy

In a 2022 survey of 1,000 American men aged 18 to 40, commissioned by dating coach Blaine Anderson, 44% said fear of being labelled "creepy" makes them less likely to interact with women at all, and 69% said it affects how they interact. It isn't an academic study, but it matches what many women hear from the men they know.

Reason 3: fewer places where it feels normal

Men approach where talking to strangers feels natural. More of social life now happens at home or on a screen, and there are fewer everyday places where meeting someone new feels expected rather than intrusive.

What you can do

• Make it easy. Eye contact, a smile or a simple question gives a nervous man permission to talk to you.
• Go where talking is normal. Classes, run clubs, social sports and friends' parties come with a built-in reason to say hello.
• Approach him. Plenty of men would be glad if someone else made the first move.

Counts are for single or divorced men who identify as straight, from census and survey data. They include men with a criminal record and every height, build and income.

Run your own list on the meter

Estimates come from the same model as the meter: official population, census, health-survey and tax data for each country, combined age by age. Filters are treated as independent within each age, so treat the results as estimates, not a head count. The full method and sources are under "How it's calculated" on the meter.